. . . it just feels that way some days!!!

I have been unavoidably detained in so many ways, there is just no way to explain without boring everyone to tears. Life has chosen to throw me about 7 curve balls simultaneously, and it's gotten me scattered and fragmented. The few moments I get to steal from each day and visit here are like glimpses into stability and sanity, and I am ever so grateful to everyone for this sanctuary! y'all just have no idea. . .

The major event recently was that my son had a relapse, which has taken years from my life, I swear. He is now on Singulair (which in chewable form is insanely priced!!!!!), and they are hoping to minimize the damage that infection most likely caused to his left lung. So not fun, for either of us. So that's the update in that department, we just take it one day at a time and hope he doesn't need his inhaler for the day.

I actually have so very many new updates to post here, it's insane that I have been absent for so long. Boggles the mind! So with any luck, I will be flooding inboxes (*and I do profusely apologize!!!) sometime this week, as well as putting up new features and whatnot. Plus I am getting started on the prizes I donated to the Think Pink IV contest! Major congrats to all the winners.

For those who had expressed interest in customized Zodiac rosaries, I do have another full set of the pendants in now, and can actually accomplish those at this time. Just please note me and it will all be arranged. The pendants are just really hard to get a hold of, and their appearance for purchase is random. >_< Go figure!

Am in the middle of a REALLY BIG assist with a friend who does amazing 3d prop sets for Poser, so that is exciting and eventful for me, keeping me very busy indeed on top of it being Senior portrait season. Will also be updating my brush account which is even more sadly behind and neglected!!!

Added to all that has been the other 6 curve balls (2 that involve my daughter & granddaughter in a very unpleasant way) . . so yeah, that I am even still vaguely sane surprises me immensely. Guess you just never know what you can survive till you have to!

Huge thanks to everyone who has faved and watched me recently . . will get the individual ones sent out as soon as possible. All the attention really does make me feel completely warm and fuzzy and gives me a reason to keep creating. Which means more than anyone will ever know!

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*New Think Pink contest is over! please go check out the amazing submissions that won! [link]

*Another contest! [link] For the goth lolita out there, this one is for you. Am donating prizes, if anyone needs incentive! lol + the deadline got pushed back!!

*And another! a fun themed one from my darling [link] more prize donations from yours truly!

*And another! from I am donating prizes again. ^_^ I just love doing that!

*And yet another! lol. from , this one has the gloriously fun theme of Halloween!!! [link] And yes, I am donating to this one as well. Join in!

Featured!
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]

& something fun by the terribly nice [link]


my clubs:


I support if in doubt, please read this [link]

my stock:



my brushes:


those I greatly admire and esteem:


those I love:
(daughter) ('nother daughter) (my adopted son!) ('nother 'nother daughter!) for all the above!! and as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!! you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

Hello all! I hope your summer is going better than mine . . .

My son came down with a nasty bronchial infection in his left lung 2 fridays ago which of course meant hospitalization . . . I do believe the person who invented those blasted beds was a sadist. 4 days with no sleep between the annoying bed and the constant oxygen/blood pressure/temp/blood checks. my poor little man! and the IV site became too painful for them to use after 3 days, so they had to remove it & try a different method. *rolls eyes* Our local hospital isn't that effecient or up-to-date . . . so yeah. it's a bit barbaric at times. He's much better now, and only needs occasional home breathing treatments and his inhaler.

Then I had to have my final wisdom tooth removed Friday, and now it's a bloody mess. have to go back in to check for dry socket or infection . . joy. So yeah, my most recent explanation for my silence here & the inability to update a damned thing! >_< wish me luck . . maybe I will get the mouth issue straightened up enough to tackle the broken toes & fractured shin issue . . . ..

New Think Pink contest is over! please go check out the amazing submissions that won! [link]

Another contest! [link] For the goth lolita out there, this one is for you. Am donating prizes, if anyone needs incentive! lol + the deadline got pushed back!!

And another! a fun themed one from my darling [link] more prize donations from yours truly!

And another! from I am donating prizes again. ^_^ I just love doing that!

And yet another! lol. from , this one has the gloriously fun theme of Halloween!!! [link] And yes, I am donating to this one as well. Join in!

Featured!
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]

& something fun by the terribly nice [link]


my clubs:


I support if in doubt, please read this [link]

my stock:



my brushes:


those I greatly admire and esteem:


those I love:
(daughter) ('nother daughter) (my adopted son!) ('nother 'nother daughter!) for all the above!! and as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!! you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

Aries - garnet w/ red jasper [link]
Taurus - quartz w/ blue quartz [link]
Gemini - howlite w/ blue chalcedony [link]
Cancer - carnelian w/ onyx [link]
Leo - blue tigers eye w/ lapis [link]
Virgo - moss agate w/ mexican blue opal [link]
Libra - aquamarine w/ pearl [link]
Scorpio - turquoise w/ pearl [link]
Sagittarius - onyx w/turquoise [link]
Capricorn - rose quartz w/ garnet [link]
Aquarius - amethyst w/ quartz [link]
Pisces - malachite w/ aquamarine [link]

That's it . . the completed set one of the first Zodiac rosary series. So glad it's done! Now I can move on to the more fun part . . Variations. The majority of these are unclaimed, so if interested please note me! ADDENDUM: Please, refrain from criticizing or trying to "correct" me on my choices for each or any sign . . I researched these for 3 months prior to beginning and like it or not, every stone chosen for each sign is CORRECT and APPROPRIATE. NO, I didn't stick with what is accepted/modern nor popular, but instead followed the original designations per sign as established by ancient minds. Believe it or not, stone color has NOTHING at all to do with either element nor with zodiac assignation. So please, enjoy but don't think to "educate" me.



EDIT:

check it out!!! [link] I have a piece included in this collection! I am so honored and tickled to be included amongst the other wonderful artists there!


my clubs:


I support if in doubt, please read this [link]

my stock:



my brushes:


those I greatly admire and esteem:


those I love:
(my lovely daughter) (nother daughter) (my adopted son!) (nother nother daughter!) for all the above!! and as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!! you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

from my Brush acct journal 2 days ago:

"***********WARNING - VIOLENT TIRADE***********************

okay, for the most part, everyone follows my very few and simple rules to a T. and for that I am very grateful. however . . ..

if I find out who the rat-bastard scum sucker is who has been redistributing my Gothic Valentine brushes, Wing tat brushes, Tribal tat brushes, and Ankh tat brushes all aver the freakin net, I will totally eviscerate them. I spent 4 hours in artists hell last night posting copyright infringement notices to 18 sites. only 10 of which are in english . . I can only hope the others (3 in aramaic, 2 in german, 3 in russian) understand english and will comply with my request. right now, I am contemplating blasting the 3 servers hosting my brushes illegally into non-existance. you have no idea what I nearly did last night in retaliation for this major betrayal of trust. the only sets I hold in reserve and request copyright for are the ones I spend literally hours creating by hand. a small thing, I think. particularly since 9 out of 10 times I say yes and grant commercial permission. so, if anyone knows who the guilty party is (one name I know . . Alexpal over on GFXWorld.org) . . you might want to let them know their guts are about to be garters. this whole account nearly got eliminated in a moment of blind rage late last night. (never ever listen to Megadeth when you are pissed . . . you will get some very dramatic and stupid ideas . . none of which will help at all.) a final note to this lovely bit of righteous fury . . . if I EVER find any of my restricted sets posted anywhere else on the internet, I will take immediate action to set the record straight and then I will promptly re-assign the brush sets somewhere inaccessable to the general ungrateful public who seem to think that if it's on the internet then it's toilet paper.
END OF TIRADE.
I do apologize to those few who have always respected me and my tools here. you are still my inspiration and the only reason I haven't closed this acct. So thank you again for being the wonderful people you are."

as if my last bout of fighting to get my tat designs removed from Flikr and Photobucket accts wasn't enough fun. now I have this as well. and the worst part is that the Valentine brushes were ripped and redistributed the VERY NEXT FREAKIN DAY. oh my gods . . . . there really is very little decency left in the world today, is there? what kills me is that I love making some of my hand drawn doodles into brushes . . makes them more versatile for me and everyone else. I'm even right now nearly done with 3 more pts. to the Valentine set. yes, more fun gothy accents of the vaguely romantic sort. and I am seriously thinking about making people request them formally and sign a freakin agreement form just to get them. how bad is that? extreme . . . and I'd hate to go that route. I was brought up to share, and to respect the wishes of others in regards to their property. simply because I transfer my art into a more usable format does not mean I surrender the rights to it. so WTF? has the world totally shelved it's moral codes when it comes to the ethereal space we call the internet? my blood is still boiling . . . it's gotten very hard to breathe and sleep. I can't seem to relax or rest at all.

here is a factoid most people don't know about me . . . I have fairly advanced CTS (carpal tunnel syndrome, for those who don't know the peachy abbreviation). nearly every day I have pain so intense from my fingertips to my shoulders that it is hard to even hold a cup, let alone a pencil. that I still create art of any kind is a testimony to how driven I am to create. I can't stop, even when the pain makes me want to amputate. I've been getting worse over the last 10 years . . . what started out as annoying has become agony. but I live and breathe my art, there are days when I am certain that I will die completely if I have to stop. I cried continuously for the first month after my diagnosis. I can't afford the surgery . . . and don't know when I will. so I bear it, and try to act like I'm not suffering. so to have people turn around and do this . . . . *imagine primal scream*. even though I know the damage is done and the extent is insane (each site had hundreds of dl's recorded), and I know it will take me forever to track down every illegal usage I have to. no one else can or will. my art may not be the most amazing or the most astonishing, but it's mine dammit all. and no one gets to treat my art like toilet paper.

And then I find out that the elitist critics in this community are still lording over the heads of all artists that 3D is not "real art". okay . . . can we say freaking mental? last time I checked, art is what is created using the tools available . . whether they are "tangible" - ie, clay, pencil, paper, paint, canvas, steel, etc - or "intangible" - ie. computer programs, stamp and brush sets, film, etc. I have tried playing with the programs (which, may I add, are tricky, expensive, and loaded with extras you have to buy or create yourself), and the damned things are complicated, energy consuming, and require more time than I normally have. the art I have seen created here using those programs is nothing short of breath-taking. and believe me, were the old masters alive today they would totally be dominating the art world with those programs. the argument should be over whether or not you award stupidity & false arrogance, as opposed to what is art. Art is created, Criticism/Jealousy is vomited.

okay . . enough rage from me for the day. some time soon I hope to sleep again . . . .

UPDATE 2:

All of my sets are officially deleted from the servers and unavailable off dA. which is as it should be. this whole mess has led me to unfortunately rethink how I do things with my sets. - the hand drawn ones at least. that being said, in a now routine search on line, I discovered a blog site that is hosting an insane variety of what I know to be copyright brush sets for download . . what this does for creators is make an easy stop for bitch-slapping the host sites. I have posted a forum post regarding it here [link]
but if you'd rather go hunt for yourselves, the offensive site is here [link]

If you recognize any of the sets, and know whom to contact, please do so!

I've already sent a note to *deviney over on Renderosity about his/hers . . hopefully he/she can get some results as fast as I did. *sighs* Learning really is hard . . . . for some.

my clubs:


my stock:



my brushes:


those I greatly admire and esteem:


those I love:
(my lovely daughter) (nother daughter) (my adopted son!) for all the above!! and as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!! you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

When I was in High School in the 80's (yes, I am dating myself here . .. just grin and move on), my Psychology teacher had some great points about human nature & the inability for certain groups to ever learn. This had nothing to do with learning disabilities, just a serious mental lack . . . as if there were certain key points of the brain that just never developed. Since then, I have pinpointed a very annoying and damaging group who fall under that inauspicious category . . . Rippers & Art thieves. And yes, they are at it again. It never ends, does it?

Flikr and Photobucket were created online with good intentions . .. but like anything else, the potential to abuse is horrendous, and there will always be those who do exactly that. Take [link] for example. Only one of my designs has been posted illegally, but there are many many more from others. Not to mention all the gorgeous art created by other artists here on dA . . . it's insane. Yahoo is of course slow to respond, but then I suppose they are being flooded with demands from the artistic community to fix this issue. All we can do is jump through the hoops. I strongly urge EVERYONE here to go there and search for their dA name or real name in the engine . . you might just get a really rude shock. And if you do, please don't hesitate to jump through the legal hoops necessary to protect your art! And don't assume that just because you aren't popular here that your art won't get ripped or stolen . . . . Apparently, if it is online to be admired, someone will yank the image and spread it around the 'net like toilet paper (with just as much regard for the art and artist).

Take up your arms, fellow artists! No one else will do it for you, or can. Show your teeth, your horns, your claws . . . remind the world that artists aren't doormats!

UPDATE: as of very late last night, my doing backflips and such for Yahoo's team paid off . . . my image is now gone. sad thing is, the account in question is still up and full of other people's art . . . .



my clubs:


my stock:



my brushes:


those I greatly admire and esteem:


those I love:
(my lovely daughter) (nother daughter) (my adopted son!) for all the above!! and as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!! you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.