redLillith

Bethany Lerie

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redLillith

Oct 15, 2012

Devious Journal Entry

7 min read

..............life keep beating up, and leaving me with no breath, no time, no art. *sighs* I am figuring out ways too kick it's ass back into the grave where it belongs, and plowing forward with resuming my interrupted life. which means with any luck all the updates I am behind on and many more surprises. I have still managed to create and to thrive in spite of the boulders hurled at me. having a new lease on life and a wonderful new boyfriend helps.

newest current project which will hopefully see daylight/moonlight soon . . taking 7 lovely volunteers and turning them into "dolled-up" Dia de los Muertos versions of the 7 sins and virtues. do let me know if someone else plans to swipe my idea . . I will be very irate but it might help my project to be completed sooner!

am slowly working my way through all the comments etc . . so bear with me! still love this place and have no plans on leaving any time soon. ^_^

meanwhile, if so inclined, you can find me over on FaceBook as well. yeah, I caved. lol www.facebook.com/redLillith131…

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& something fun by the terribly nice

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my clubs:

I support

if in doubt, please read this [link]

my stock:

my brushes:

those I greatly admire and esteem:
:icon-electra-:

those I love:

(daughter)

('nother daughter)

(my adopted son!)

('nother 'nother daughter!)

for all the above!! and

as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!!

you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

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redLillith

Dec 11, 2011

ok then . . .

8 min read

ok .. so updates never happened. life did . . . and it was pure damned chaos. >_< day job sucked the life right out of me, along with time, patience, creativity . . etc. ad nauseum. I did learn Latin this year, as well as learned a vital set of facts about marketing. and it really sucks hard to realize that EVERY DAMNED ASPECT OF EVERY DAMNED DAY, MEDIA AND CORPORATIONS ARE BRAINWASHING US . . . in some pretty heinous ways. yes, it payed my bills, but it also abused my IQ and insulted my artistic sensibilities.

I quit and was subsequently reborn. viva revolution! lol

I realize that the new updates are NOTHING like anything anyone was expecting. those are forthcoming . . had to get this out there. newest project (IE, non-paying gig . . lol) that is consuming me. I seriously want feedback on this idea . . so far, it's just that . .an idea. I am not obsessive about it at this stage . . it's still percolating in the brainpan . . I just want to avoid re-hashing anything already overdone. yanno? I want to approach this with a new view . . a new angle. classy yet pushing the envelope a bit . . just enough to kick-start a heart as well as a mind. I desire to provoke and entice . . need help, I know. so yeah, feel free to be explicit and vivid in your critique! I can totally take it.

won't even bore everyone with the trip to hell this year has been. am happily back to creating and re-discovering my authentic self. fuck corporate America . . no more puppet I, not even to make the bills. that slave drive just isn't my bag . . I leave that to the sheep.

meanwhile, if so inclined, you can find me over on FaceBook as well. yeah, I caved. lol www.facebook.com/redLillith131…

Featured!
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]

& something fun by the terribly nice

[link]

my clubs:

I support

if in doubt, please read this [link]

my stock:

my brushes:

those I greatly admire and esteem:
:icon-electra-:

those I love:

(daughter)

('nother daughter)

(my adopted son!)

('nother 'nother daughter!)

for all the above!! and

as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!!

you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

redLillith

Feb 6, 2011

time flies . . ..

9 min read

Firstly, a HUGE apology to all of my loyal friends here. I have had a very tough year since my last update, and things have been spiraling out of whack for too long.

job hunting was fruitless, my mother's husband made all my attempts at assistance fall flat or short, and other obstacles and debacles raised their ugly heads to make my life a real trial. but I am still here, still working, and still thriving in spite of adversity.

it's my job to make others fail at ruining my life.

Secondly, omg, am I sadly behind! in everything and in every way. TONS of new photo-shoots to upload as well . . heavens, I am about 30 of those behind!! so many updates need made, so many pieces to get approved and distributed properly. bet you guys think I forgot! nope . . just no internet at my place, so things have been very dodgy/touch-&-go. I really hate to impose on my best friend, but she lets me and I try not to overstep my bounds. but! on the news front, I have now finally gotten a "real job" with a reasonable steady income so internet at my place soon! hopefully this month.

which =s TONS of updates. hope I don't overwhelm anyone.

I have had many pieces of good and bad news as well; the major good news was the safe birth of my second granddaughter last Sept. 3 - miss Brooklynn Lerie.

partly named for me. she is such a good baby! a real doll, my daughter was really blessed this go-round. will have to post pics of her soonest. the worst piece of bad news happened this past week - my beautiful dog Yukon managed to mysteriously fracture 2 of the disks in his neck and compact the 3rd at their base, which paralyzed him by slow painful degrees over a 20 hr period. in agony, I had his pain ended . . but started one of my own. can't believe how much I miss him! he was such a huge part of my life for the last 8 years . . . and now he is suddenly gone. he was my son's best friend, and my ever-present shadow. I hope he fares better now, all evidence of his pain erased, all memories of his traumatic childhood banished.

With any luck, I will have everything updated properly by the end of this month.

I hope. I will definitely try! Huge love & thanks to all my friends here who never forgot me, nor gave-up on me. you really are the best.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBptGg…

my clubs:

I support

if in doubt, please read this redlillith.deviantart.com/jour…

my stock:

my brushes:

those I greatly admire and esteem:
:icon-electra-:

those I love:

(daughter)

('nother daughter)

(my adopted son!)

('nother 'nother daughter!)

for all the above!! and

as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!!

you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

redLillith

Mar 17, 2010

an update . .. .

11 min read

firstly, thanks to all of you for your support during this really exhausting and trying time. my mother was finally sent home 2 weeks ago, and I have spent nearly every day trying to find a place in her area to re-locate to. yep, I am moving back home, after being away for almost 16 years. technically, it's only a 15 minute drive by I-80 to get there from where I am, but that is just too damned far away. she is now disabled, and really needs me closer. so into boxes all of my possessions go - which was fun with the prop room, seeing as how I have nearly $10G in props.

ah well! still searching for a new home, but the end is in sight. sadly, this means I will be sans my own internet connection for a while . . I will still have access whenever I want (ie, have to go to my bf's house!), but it will be largely dependent on when I have time. all prizes will be completed as soon as I can, so many apologies again. packed but not forgotten! and very high on the priority list right after moving and unpacking.

I may have to forgo any new commissions for an undetermined time period, though, as I am getting a part-time job that will eat into my creative time as well. these are the times I live in, sad to say. this has all really made me rebuild my priorities and schedules . . to my utter dismay.

however, my mother is doing amazingly well~!! her recovery and adaptation has astounded her doctors in U of U hospital - within 3 weeks of her episode, she was speaking in full sentences again. within 4 weeks she was doing well re-training her right side of her body to respond to her left brain. within 5 weeks she was making remarkable progress in walking and feeding herself. her short-term memory is a bit frazzled, making her very frustrated with herself, but her long-term memory is completely intact. her surgery went very well, and the neurosurgeon found nothing in the top 5 worrisome list . . only a vein that had ruptured. which was "easily" repaired (love when they say that . . I know I couldn't do it!!). as of now, she can get around her own home with only a bit of difficulty (she now understands my lack-of-balance issues), can shower herself, dress herself, and do simple cooking. she is slowly rebuilding her strength and stamina, though she hates the real need for afternoon naps.

says it makes her feel old. she has even begun remembering what she felt right before passing out during the episode. all in all, she has made an amazing recovery - statistically speaking, 82% of people who are brought into hospitals with her medical problem die from it within 2 days. she has more than beaten the odds, once again. I suppose this is where I say, we Irish/Germans are a stubborn lot!! lol.

secondly, new contest! for all of my friends and watchers who are completely full of the mad-skillz with the 3d programs, this is for you! has some really great prizes as well.

ladylittlefox.deviantart.com/j… run, don't walk and get on it! some really great entries so far.

thirdly, love you all! am trying to find time to get to all the comments and whatnot properly, as they deserve. lots of late nights, I think.

still, you all amaze me and make me proud to be in your circles. ^_^ and am looking forward to plunging headlong soon into the list of new deviations posted by all of you - your creativity and artistry never cease to astonish, amaze, inspire, and thrill me. *xoxoxoxoxox*

PS: has anyone else been visually blown-away by the graphics in Inferno??? omg . . . . . O_O just amazing.

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*New Think Pink contest is over! please go check out the amazing submissions that won! news.deviantart.com/article/95… to everyone!

*Another contest!

darkfashionshow.deviantart.com…
- deadline extended!

*And another! a fun themed one from my darling

contest over! see here for winners! hiddencaitastrophe.deviantart.… to everyone!

*And another! from

winners have been chosen & notified. paganarts.deviantart.com/blog/…

*And yet another! lol. from

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBptGg…

my clubs:

I support

if in doubt, please read this redlillith.deviantart.com/jour…

my stock:

my brushes:

those I greatly admire and esteem:
:icon-electra-:

those I love:

(daughter)

('nother daughter)

(my adopted son!)

('nother 'nother daughter!)

for all the above!! and

as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!!

you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

redLillith

Jan 25, 2010

You just never know what you can do . . .

10 min read

till life tries to knock the wind out of your sails permanently.

Friday afternoon my mother had some sort of attack, and was unconscious behind the wheel of her parked car for 3 hours before neighbors called the cops & paramedics.  She was brought in to the local ER at 3:15 still unconscious and unresponsive . . and didn't begin to pull out of it till almost 5. Her CAT scan revealed that her brain was bleeding, and her blood pressure was in the 200's range.  She was packed up and life-flighted to the University of Utah hospital at 6. She will be 61 in May.

This weekend has been a little slice of hell. To see your mother lying there, gray as storm clouds and nearly motionless is traumatic; to know that her brilliant mind is seeping away with no apparent cause even more so.  And then to spend a day tense and dry-eyed as the neurosurgeons cut her skull away to clean the wound they can't explain  . . . waiting, endlessly waiting for any kind of word.  The spirit just wilts.

I have been the eternal rock in my family, I am unshakable.  Because of this, I am viewed as not feeling as much, not needing comfort or reassurance. I am criticized for many things, most of them petty and stupid.  But it doesn't help.  It always cuts till I lash back gratingly and sarcastically reminding them that without me they get nowhere.  I do all the driving, I do all the phone calling, I do all the necessary details that no one else seems to be capable of holding it together for.  I remember all the medical details . . . get records straight and make sure medications aren't forgotten or confused.  But I am still the bad child. Still the one who doesn't love mom as much. Still the one berated if people are updated "out of turn".

I am home for a few days to recover my spirit. It hurts so much to know I am USELESS, to know that in reality I can't help her at all. She knew me, I was the first she knew and recognized. The first she called by name when not many words were at her command. But my heart and spirit can only take so much.  I am not going to neglect my commissions and the work I am doing for the prizes.  But I do ask forgiveness for the fact that I will be done with them all much later than originally planned. My mother will be there for a minimum of a week, I am actually thinking 2-4 depending on how well she heals, etc.  They are thorough there, she is in excellent hands. I couldn't ask for better. But I will need to travel a lot to be there with her, and in spite of my sisters, she does need me.  I hope everyone will understand and forgive me.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

*New Think Pink contest is over!  please go check out the amazing submissions that won! news.deviantart.com/article/95… to everyone!

*Another contest!

darkfashionshow.deviantart.com… entries are now closed, voting is about to commence!!

*And another! a fun themed one from my darling

contest over! see here for winners! hiddencaitastrophe.deviantart.… to everyone!

*And another! from

winners have been chosen & notified. paganarts.deviantart.com/blog/…

*And yet another! lol. from

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBptGg…

my clubs:

I support

if in doubt, please read this redlillith.deviantart.com/jour…

my stock:

my brushes:

those I greatly admire and esteem:
:icon-electra-:

those I love:

(daughter)

('nother daughter)

(my adopted son!)

('nother 'nother daughter!)

for all the above!! and

as well!

hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone!!!

you all make my days much nicer, just by being your wonderful selves.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

2 3 4 Next

Featured

Devious Journal Entry by redLillith, journal

Devious Journal Entry

Oct 15, 2012

ok then . . . by redLillith, journal

time flies . . .. by redLillith, journal

time flies . . ..

Feb 6, 2011

Firstly, a HUGE apology to all of my loyal friends here. I have had a very tough year since my last update, and things have been spiraling out of whack for too long. :( job hunting was fruitless, my mother's husband made all my attempts at assistance fall flat or short, and other obstacles and debacles raised their ugly heads to make my life a real trial. but I am still here, still working, and still thriving in spite of adversity. ;) it's my job to make others fail at ruining my life. Secondly, omg, am I sadly behind! in everything and in every way. TONS of new photo-shoots to upload as well . . heavens, I am about 30 of those behind!! so

an update . .. . by redLillith, journal

an update . .. .

Mar 17, 2010

You just never know what you can do . . . by redLillith, journal

You just never know what you can do . . .

Jan 25, 2010

till life tries to knock the wind out of your sails permanently. :( Friday afternoon my mother had some sort of attack, and was unconscious behind the wheel of her parked car for 3 hours before neighbors called the cops & paramedics. She was brought in to the local ER at 3:15 still unconscious and unresponsive . . and didn't begin to pull out of it till almost 5. Her CAT scan revealed that her brain was bleeding, and her blood pressure was in the 200's range. She was packed up and life-flighted to the University of Utah hospital at 6. She will be 61 in May. This weekend has been a little slice of hell. To see your mother lying there, gra